So, I’m taking a break from the Monon Celebrations to talk about ZOMBIES!!!

Last night at Dork Club was our big Zombicide game. And boy was it big; Nine survivors, six objectives and hundreds of ZOMBIES to fight our way through. It took us almost four hours to finish our game, and I will try to recap all that occurred.

Machete, Samuel L. Jackson, Samuel L. Jackson’s dog, and a zombie, three of these characters will be dead before the end of the game

We began the night with nine survivors: Chuck Norris, Machete (me), Samuel L. Jackson, Sheldon, a paper towel tube samurai, a girl by the name of Lea, and an assortment of other characters I can’t remember off the top of my head. Our mission: search a ZOMBIE-infested strip mall for food, water and rice without dying. Simple enough.

So we decided to split up into two groups, Chuck Norris and Samuel L. Jackson going off one way with a few of the others, while Machete went the other way with Lea and Sheldon. This plan fell apart when the other group encountered a Fatty (big ZOMBIE) that could only be killed with melee weapons, which that group was lacking. So Machete went over there and did a bit of chop-chop on the ZOMBIES, leaving Lea and Sheldon to fend for themselves. Probably not the best idea; they ended up getting mobbed by ZOMBIES, and although Lea managed to get away with one wound left Sheldon was killed. Sad day.

Sheldon’s last stand… Lea gets away from all this

Back on the other side of the map, we began to clear out the strip mall, Chuck Norris, the samurai and a guy named Raoul leading the charge. During the anti-ZOMBIE sweep, Samuel L. Jackson found Clint Eastwood hiding out in the kitchen, and although Eastwood got caught in a room with a toxic ZOMBIE he got off to a good start. Lea, meanwhile, was mobbed continuously by an ever growing mob of ZOMBIES, escaping only due to her speed and agility. She managed to dodge all the ZOMBIES and escape off the map. Yay us.

grundy crush!

Meanwhile, our group was still cutting our way through ZOMBIES, trying to reach the last objective. However, because Chuck Norris and some of the others had killed many ZOMBIES, more and more ZOMBIES were coming to attack us. Clint Eastwood fell behind (read: Machete ditched him to get to the main group), and although he managed to kill some ZOMBIES he was overrun. Similar thing happened to Samuel L. Jackson, but Chuck Norris and the others were able to kill the ZOMBIES and get some breathing room. However, Chuck accidentally woke up Solomon Grundy and the Hulk (my name for the normal and toxic Brute ZOMBIES respectively) and a lot of people panicked… until someone pulled out Pa’s Gun and headshot the two ZOMBIES. So we got the final objective (and a puppy) and made our way towards the exit.

HULK SMASH!!!

Before Car-Fu

Unfortunately, there was a big horde of ZOMBIES between us and the objective. Fortunately, we were in a car.

Car-Fu ensued.

After Car-Fu

After running over a bunch of ZOMBIES (Machete don’t ride in cars, so Machete walked down the street butchering ZOMBIES with his machetes) we reached the exit, but there were more ZOMBIES in our way. Hopping out of the car, Chuck Norris and his dog proceeded to roundhouse kick, shoot, and otherwise kill the twelve ZOMBIES in our way (including four Fatties). Our path cleared, we drove out of the strip mall and into the sunset, leaving the ZOMBIES behind in the strip mall.

A-CHUCK A-NORRIS!!!!!

Yeah, that was fun. I’m definitely playing that game again.