{"id":246,"date":"2008-08-04T13:18:48","date_gmt":"2008-08-04T13:18:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.wabash.edu\/fyi\/2008\/08\/04\/there-for-each-other\/"},"modified":"2008-08-04T13:18:48","modified_gmt":"2008-08-04T13:18:48","slug":"there-for-each-other","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/2008\/08\/04\/there-for-each-other\/","title":{"rendered":"“There for Each Other”"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Steve Charles<\/span><\/em>\u2014What brings a group of Wabash Phi Delt brothers together every 10 years? Why this particular group\u2014guys who were in the house between 1971-1974? Why always at the home of Judy and Ed Pitkin \u201971, and not on campus?<\/span><\/p>\n

Those three questions had been on my mind since Mike Dill \u201971 had invited me to take a few photographs and get a taste of Phi Delt brotherhood at this informal reunion in mid-July at Ed and Judy\u2019s home near Geist Reservoir outside Indianapolis. I temporarily shelved them when I arrived and replaced them with another question: Where the hell were these guys?<\/span><\/p>\n

The cars, with license plates from Vermont, Massachusetts, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Illinois, and Michigan, were there. Thirty men from sixteen states had shown up, I\u2019d find out later. But they weren\u2019t in the front yard, or in any of the front rooms. And when I read the note posted on the front door telling all Phi Delts to \u201ccome around back\u201d and went looking for the back yard, there wasn\u2019t one. Nor could I hear any Phi Delts. (I was not led to believe this would be a quiet event.)<\/span><\/p>\n

Rounding the west end of the house I realized that Judy and Ed\u2019s house wasn\u2019t near Geist; it was on Geist. And a brief 45-degree descent down the steps brought me a panoramic view of the lake and into the heart of the celebration. Wabash men, many with their wives, talking, laughing, catching up and enjoying one another in a festival of friendship. (Click here<\/a> and here<\/a> for photo albums from the gathering.)<\/span><\/p>\n

Mike Dill and Judy and Ed welcomed me, showing me some of the paraphernalia from past reunions that was spread out on the Pitkin\u2019s pool table. There were group photos from the 1988 and 1998 gatherings. There was a copy of Mike Dill\u2019s invite for the 1977 gathering (which was held at the Pitkin\u2019s Westside Indianapolis apartment house\u2014I\u2019m still trying to imagine this gregarious, fun-loving group, then in their mid-20s, all jammed into an apartment. \u201cSomebody call the manager.\u201d)<\/span><\/p>\n

New arrivals greeted Mike, Judy, and Ed as I peppered them with questions.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI was in a sorority, our son graduated from IU, and our two girls went to school in Colorado, but none of us has a bond like what these guys have,\u201d Judy Pitkin told me. \u201cMy daughters have five or six classmates they stay in touch with, but they\u2019ve got cell phones, facebook and myspace, and email. These guys didn\u2019t have those, and they\u2019re still together.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPart of what helped us is that we started doing this right after college, and kept on going,\u201d said Mike, who has been organizing and sending invites for the event since its inception. \u201cAnd Indianapolis is a nice central location. When you think of all the people who fly in\u2014we\u2019ve got 15 or 16 states here, and Joe Lavalle \u201971 even flew in from Tokyo last time\u2014easy access helps.”<\/span><\/p>\n

I asked whether common careers or business interests brings the group together; Mike pointed out the range of occupations represented. They run the gamut. As does the level of material success. As do political leanings. And several of the evening\u2019s guests attended Wabash for only a year or so. This bond is not about how much time you spent with each other, but how you spent it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEd says that this is a Phi Delt function, too,\u201d Judy said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWabash was the foundation, but the Phi Delt house brought us together, and has kept us together,\u201d Ed said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"Mike introduced me to Cathy Flink. She and husband, Steve Flink \u201972, were married when he was a junior at Wabash.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve been married for 37 years,\u201d Cathy said. \u201cSteve and I have known each other since we were 10. I can\u2019t remember a time when I didn\u2019t love him. When he was at Wabash, we\u2019d get together once a month. We did the old-fashioned love letter thing. He\u2019d have to stand in line at the fraternity phone to call me.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere were a handful of married students at that time, in 1971,\u201d Cathy said. \u201cI worked a couple of part time jobs, and I would babysit Dr. Aus Brooks\u2019 kids when they were little.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

When I asked Cathy why this group has stayed in touch, she said, \u201cThey just had a wonderful chemistry from the beginning. You could see it, even back then.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Dan Loftus \u201972 believes part of that chemistry was the product of pledgeship.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt weeded out guys who weren\u2019t ready to be close friends and dedicated to each other,\u201d Dan said. “Our pledgeship created a tremendous amount of loyalty within the pledge class, and, after pledgeship was over, among the actives in different classes.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThese were guys who were ready not just to make friends, but to be friends; to be there for each other.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Dan\u2019s wife, Carla, added: \u201cFor us, Wabash is a family. We\u2019re part of that family. And those of us who are wives feel that, too. We were embraced by the guys, and brought into that family, and we feel as much loyalty as they do.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

For at least two of the guys, this was their first time back in 37 years.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"\u201cIt\u2019s great to see these guys again,\u201d Ken Cole \u201972 told me as he arrived. He seemed not just happy, but proud to be among them again.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mike Heazlitt \u201973 was also back among the brothers for the first time in 37 years, and the stories he was telling rekindled their memories.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d forgotten all about that,\u201d said Allen Matthews \u201971, aka Polar Bear, when Heazlitt finished a story. Classmate Steve \u201cMercury\u201d Morris \u201973 added another chapter for Matthews.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d forgotten all about that\u201d was the second most common phrase of the evening behind \u201cGreat to see you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

“Some of the guys came in last night, and we\u2019re sitting out on the patio, and a story comes up,\u201d Mike Dill told me. \u201cEach guy remembered a different facet of the story. Maybe no one remembers the whole story. Pretty soon you begin to piece it all together. It\u2019s a lot of fun.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone brings his own piece of the story.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m still not sure I can say exactly what it is about these particular guys that brings them together, when other who were good friends do not gather for such reunions. It could be as simple as having folks like Judy and Ed Pitkin to have the party, someone as determined and organized as Mike Dill to send the invites, and great relationships to celebrate.<\/span><\/p>\n

And stories that tell of the days, good and bad, somber or hilarious, when you were there for one another.<\/span><\/p>\n

Steve Weliever \u201971 recalled an oral presentation he had to give to front of legendary Professor Ben Rogge in order to graduate. A group of his Phi Delt brothers showed up.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTo heckle or support?\u201d I asked Tim Hewitt \u201972, who remembers the day well.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cProbably a little of both,\u201d Hewitt smiled. He recalls laughing out loud when Weliever mispronounced the \u201cDanube River\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe called it \u2018the Blue Danubey.\u2019\u201d Hewitt howls, then asks Weliever, \u201cYou remember that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow can I forget it,\u201d he says, shaking his head.<\/span><\/p>\n

He also can\u2019t forget that those same Phi Delt brothers\u2014many at this gathering today\u2014were there for him when he needed them. To keep things in perspective. To remind him that passing or failing a presentation, or Ben Rogge\u2019s class, wasn\u2019t going to change who he was. He was defined by something deeper. He was their friend and brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dan Loftus\u2019 words keep playing over and over in my head. \u201cThese were guys who were ready not just to make friends, but to be friends; to be there for each other.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Leaving Judy and Ed\u2019s house Saturday evening, I felt honored to be in the presence of men who hadn\u2019t forsaken the friendships of their college days. I remembered reading only a week earlier that Aristotle had placed such importance on the cultivation of friendship: \u201cWithout friends, no one would want to live, even if he had all other goods.\u201d
\n<\/span>
\nI had come to Judy and Ed Pitkin\u2019s house with three questions. I left with only two: Why don\u2019t all of us give friendships such priority? Why don\u2019t we get together like this more often?<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Steve Charles\u2014What brings a group of Wabash Phi Delt brothers together every 10 years? Why this particular group\u2014guys who were in the house between 1971-1974? Why always at the home of Judy […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"w_featured_image_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/246","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=246"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/246\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=246"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=246"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.wabash.edu\/fyi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=246"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}